The Staege Family: 6 months!

I know, can you even believe it's been 6 months since we brought David home??

It has been a tough but sweet 6 months. I've said it a million times, but David is incredible. He has jumped into our family with both feet and never looked back. And I've so enjoyed the process of seeing his personality and heart slowly unfold before us.

When he first arrived, he said only a handful of words, and now he often talks in 2-4 word sentences. About half English, half Chinese. We speak to him more in English now than Chinese, and he has no problems at all understanding the vast majority of what we say. It's been such a helpful growth process for him to learn to use words instead of tears and whining to communicate what he needs and wants!

We are learning that our little boy's chief desire in life is just simply to be with people he loves. He doesn't care what he is doing, so long as he is doing it with you. Jeff can literally ask David to anything, and as long as they are doing it together David is happy as a clam. The down side to this is when you want to accomplish something that David can't help with, and then he is completely devastated.

David is also the most generous person I think I've ever met. Seriously. Almost without exception, no matter what he has, if someone asks him for it he will immediately hand it over with a huge smile. And nothing makes him happier than to wander the house and look for things that he thinks someone will want and give it to them. The other day he was sitting in my lap watching a video when Miriam asked if she could sit in my lap. I said, "Not right now sweetie, I'm holding David. Later on I can hold you." David immediately got down, patted my empty lap and said, "Jiejie (big sister) sit!" And he giggled in delight when she got in my lap instead. Such a precious little heart to serve and bless others!

And can I say that with every week that goes by, David becomes more of a Daddy's boy. I mean that kid L.O.V.E.S his Abba. If he never had to leave Jeff's side, he would be happy the rest of his life. David and I have a strong bond and he definitely loves me as well, but if he had to choose one parent it would be no contest at all. Which makes me very happy for Jeff because the other two kids are definitely more Mama attached. David actually starts to hyperventilate sometimes when he sees Jeff he is so excited. It's the cutest thing in the world to watch him greet Jeff with every ounce of his little self consumed with joy.

Some of the ongoing challenges include trying to help him learn to use words when he starts to get agitated and upset about something. He often reverts to just a steady whine and refuses to actually say what it is that he needs or is bothering him. He is also incredibly stubborn when he thinks that something should happen a certain way and it doesn't. If he thinks that right now is supposed to be the time to set the table and you tell him "no", he will burst into tears and refuse to be comforted until he's allowed to do what he wants. Which often results in long bouts of crying because that strategy doesn't work in this family. But we are learning that if we can help him understand that it's ok for something to be different than he thinks, he can accept it much more easily. Just don't mess with that boy's expectations!

David and Elijah's relationship has probably been the hardest part of the adjustment of the last 6 months. Mostly in that Elijah went from an outgoing, generally happy and goofy little boy to a sullen, stubborn and extremely temperamental little boy when David came home. At first there was a lot of physical aggression from Elijah, who would often hit/push/pinch etc. David for no reason at all other than that he was in the house. Then after the first couple of months that settled down, but Elijah continued to be easily frustrated, confrontational and withdrawn.

It was so hard on my heart to see my happy little boy seem to disappear! There were times I cried myself to sleep in fear that my sweet Elijah was gone forever. But honestly just in the last couple of weeks, it's like someone flipped the switch back to where it is supposed to be in Elijah's heart, and we've seen our happy and easygoing little boy come back!! He doesn't answer EVERY question with "No!", nor does he instantly fall into a screaming fit if even the tiniest thing isn't exactly what he wants it to be. I can say, "How about we do that later?", and he says, "Ok mama!" You have no idea how life-giving that is to my heart! And he and David are making good strides in playing together and actually starting to enjoy each other. I think David's increased ability to communicate has helped a lot with that. They still definitely push each other's buttons often, but they also laugh and play together without the need for constant supervision. Hallelujah!

To be honest, I think God knew that I needed to see some real growth in Elijah's heart before we bring Isaac home. I have much more peace about throwing our family into another round of chaotic adjustment after seeing that even if it is hard, everyone will eventually settle down and it WILL be ok. If When there are struggles and somebody is falling apart, I know that the pieces will eventually get put back together. And not just put back together, but made into something stronger and more beautiful than before. A family richer, deeper and more full of the real kind of joy for having gone through the hard together. Six months and the beauty and joy are only just beginning to shine through. How amazing it will be to see it grow!