Not the life I signed up for

When Jeff and I got married over 7 years ago, we both questioned seriously whether or not we would ever have children.  I liked children when they belonged to someone else and I didn't have to be responsible for them.  I liked the idea that there were moms out there who thought it a joy to spend their days at home watching Sesame Street and cutting the crust off of toast.  But I just couldn't imagine why you would ever choose to want to be a parent when it meant giving up all the freedom I had to spend my time doing all the things I loved doing like working with college students and leading teams.

Well God slowly changed my heart to embrace the idea of having children, but I always swore that I was never going to have so many kids that I couldn't still stay involved in the ministry that I love.  I would never become "that mom" who does nothing except talk about her kids because she doesn't get out of the house enough to have anything else to talk about (except possibly the short-comings of other people's kids).  No matter whether I had kids or not, I would never ever stoop that low.

And you know what, I did a pretty good job sticking to my guns.  Through first one child and then a second, Jeff and I worked out an elaborate juggling act that allowed for both of us to maintain an active role in our work while still caring for our kids.  And all the while I patted myself on the back and told myself, "See!  It is possible to make it work!  I can still have the life I want for myself even with kids!"

And then in what seemed to be the blink of an eye, my carefully ordered life suddenly exploded.  Instead of two kids, we had three and in a couple short months it will be four children.  Four children 21 months apart in age.  Add to that Jeff's increased responsibilities with his work, and before I even had a chance to consider whether I was ok with it or not, I found myself spending the vast majority of my time planning homeschool lessons, yelling, "Get DOWN from there!  You may NOT throw your brother off the table!", and talking energetically with anyone who would listen about how my two year old throws up when he smells his own poo and how clearly gifted my daughter must be to be able to out-eat any teenage boy I know.

Last week I finally admitted it to my husband.  I said, "I have become 'that mom'".  How did it happen??  After spending several minutes bemoaning my fate, I said, "How did this become my life??  This is not the life I signed up for!"

But then, you know what?  I started thinking over the next few days about that statement that this is not the life I signed up for, and I realized something shocking.  I realized that this is exactly the life I signed up for.  I signed up for a life of following God wherever He called me to go.  I signed up for a life lived for something bigger than myself.  And mostly I signed up for a life that doesn't make any sense at all apart from God.

And boy let me tell you, my life makes NO sense to me apart from God.  And even better, I think my life makes no sense to those around me either.  I am daily asked by bewildered Chinese why in the world we would adopt a child when we already have two.  They often shake their heads and say something like, "you must just be especially good/great/loving/etc.", and I get to smile and say, "No, God is especially good, great and loving".  I realized the other day that just about all of my answers to any major questions about my life can't be explained without reference to God.  Where we live, what we do, who is in our family, what we see as our future - all of those questions I just have no answers except the ones that start with, "Well, because God..."

And I feel the grace poured out so lavishly when I ponder that.  Who am I and who is my family that we would be given stewardship of so much that is holy?  Oh how I need grace to not squander my blessings by wishing for others!  Because this life I'm living, this crazy, messy, dirt-and-smushed-carrot life, is exactly what I signed up for.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

More Quotable Quotes

Can I just say that I love my kids?  One of the many reasons is that they say the most awesome and random things.  Miriam of course is the queen of random quotes, but Elijah and even David are starting to join in the club.  Here are a few of my recent favorites

All the kids are upstairs in their beds when I hear David start screaming.  I open the door to their room and this is what I hear.
David: Didi da wo! (brother hit me)
Me: Elijah, did you hit your brother?
Elijah: Nope
Me: Elijah, remember that you need to tell the truth.  Did you go over to David's bed?
Elijah:  Uh....probably?

Miriam after getting angry at something she couldn't have:  I don't feel like beauty at all right now, I only feel like the beast!

Me:  Look at all the dog hair on the couch.  We'll have to get Abba to clean it up.
Miriam:  Abba, there is a huge quantity of dog hair on this couch!

Elijah, pointing to his orange shirt:  Mama, look at me!  I so pretty!
Me:  You are such a handsome little man
Elijah: No handsome, I pretty

Me: David, what is this picture?
David: Eh Ba Ben!!! (aka elephant)
Me:  Good job!!!  What sound does an elephant make?
David:  AAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

And one of my favorite recent quotes from Miriam's good friend Bree
Bree:  Look, I think I see a raccoon!!!
Me, peering at the banks of the small river next to our house:  Where do you think the racoon is?
Bree:  Oh never mind, it's just a dead fish (in fact a very small goldfish lying on a rock)

Almost 4 months

I can't decide whether it seems like David just got here yesterday or we've had him forever.  I think mostly the we've had him for forever.  He just is a part of our family now, not only the "new adopted kid".  He's got a place and we have the beginnings of a new family groove that he fits right into.  I've loved the wonderful start I've had to getting to know the heart and personality of my sweet little boy.  Here are some of the joys (and not-so-much-joys) that I'm learning:

When David smiles, he smiles with his whole face.  Every part of it lights up.

He has a husky sort of laugh that is absolutely contagious.

He is very quick to smile.  Partly because he is just generally happy, but it is also his way of trying to charm you into giving in to his desires when he doesn't want to obey.  He is incredibly cute and he tries to use that to his advantage!

I've never met a little boy who loves hugs and snuggles more than he does.

I've also never met a boy who falls apart into a tantrum faster than he does.  As soon as he realizes he won't get what he wants, he immediately throws himself backward onto the ground and begins to wail.  The poor kid often hits his head with a big thump.  Fortunately, these tantrums are occurring less frequently and last a shorter period of time.

When he first came to us, he was incredibly concerned about being neat and clean, especially while eating.  I guess 4 months of his brother's influence was enough to convince him that there is nothing wrong with making messes - especially if there is a dog to clean up after you!

He loves loves loves loves loves to help with any kind of a job.  He convulses with joy if you ask him to help set the table.  He runs right over when you mention putting away toys.  Heaven help you if you forget to let him flush the toilet.  He is an amazing little helper.  Well, sometimes his help is actually helpful.

Some of his favorite and newly acquired English words are "ALL DONE!!!", "yes mama!", "money", "beep beep", "no", "please", "amen!"

When he first came home, he didn't have a lot of physical stamina or strength.  Now, though, he is much more active and able to keep up more running around with his siblings.  He can also jump off of the couch without face-planting.

He loves to be tickled and generally cuddled with, but he has a curious habit of reaching up and pinching or scratching at your face whenever he starts to laugh.  I'm pretty sure he isn't trying to hurt you since he is laughing and having a great time, but no matter how many times we say no and correct his behavior, he always does it.  So now I tickle him at arms length. :)

He has an extroverted personality and enjoys being the center of attention.  He is sometimes initially shy and can get overwhelmed in new situations, but he usually settles down quickly to trying to get everyone to notice and interact with him.  If nothing else, he will yell your name over and over again to get your attention.  Doesn't want anything except for you to look at him.

He gets along really well with Miriam.  She enjoys helping him and trying to take care of him.  He loves to be around her and they are good buds unless they both happen to want the same toy.  Then they are both shrieking banshees.

He has a love/hate relationship with Elijah.  He copies his little brother all the time and likes to be where he is.  But he also knows how to push Elijah's buttons and often instigates fights by trying to take things from Elijah or just get into Elijah's space in a way he knows will provoke him.  Then when Elijah retaliates the only way my totally-physical son knows how (i.e pushing/hitting/occasionally biting), David starts screaming bloody murder and runs up to me and tells me just exactly what his brother did.  David is starting his professional soccer career early because that boy can take a fake fall like no one else I know.  I've seen Elijah merely swat at him without actually making contact, and David immediately falls to the ground and starts screaming that Elijah hit him.  Of course, much of the time Elijah has actually hit him.  So it makes it hard to sort out because I often don't see what happened, I just hear the fall-out.

If I had to take one picture that captures the meaning of the word "joy", it would be a picture of David's face at the exact moment he realizes that his Abba has come home from work.  He squeals, runs and throws himself at Jeff.  Not a bad greeting when you come in the door!

There are so many other things to write, but this is a good start for me to get down in writing some of these early experiences of David.  I don't even have words for how blessed we've felt by how well David has done in adjusting to our family.  Everyone who meets him can hardly believe he's been home such a short time because he is such a happy, loving little boy who absolutely delights in being with his family.  And we absolutely delight in him!

Pictures of Guang Ming!

While we are still waiting for the Chinese government to actually log in all of our documents into their system, we were blessed with an update on Guang Ming!  As updates go, it wasn't the most informative one ever, but it came with two new pictures of my sweet son!  They did say that he is healthy and doing well, and that he is still with his foster family.  We don't know if there is now another child in the home since David is with us or if it is only him.  They also called him a little bit naughty, so he ought to fit in just fine with his brothers.

Here are the new pictures of our boy!

Playplace pictures

What do you do with 3 active kids when it's cold, windy, and dreary outside for days on end?  Take them to one of the many indoor kid's play areas!  Our kids love to go and bounce, roll, slide, throw, and generally have a grand time going crazy in a relatively safe environment.  Here are some pictures of them enjoying themselves!

Tell me you aren't in love with this boy and his smile!!

Givin' some luv to the merry-go-round cow

1...2...3...yep this is probably a stupid thing to do but I'm going to do it anyway!

I prefer the fun but safe way to play

What kid doesn't love balls

The Time-Out Chair

David has continued to do a wonderful job adjusting to our family.  He is getting even more affectionate with us (I probably get 30 kisses a day) and more friendly and out-going with others as he feels more safe and secure here.  I can tell I have another natural extrovert on my hands!  He does have a tendency to put on a show for attention or to get out of doing what he doesn't want.  If I ask him to come to me, he'll shake his head no, then give me a huge squishy-face smile as if that is going to get him off the hook.  Adorable, but not usually effective.  He is also I think planning a career as a soccer player because he can take a fake fall like no one I have ever seen.  Elijah will raise his hand as if to push David over, and David will immediately throw himself on the ground and start wailing as if Elijah had just decked him.  We are working on this.  We are also working on helping David to use words to communicate what he wants instead of "UH UH UH".  He can use words because he will repeat them when we ask, but he is used to just grunting urgently and someone will come run and fetch whatever he is pointing at.  Or if another child is doing something he doesn't like, he shrieks instead of talks.  Now when he wants something we require him to use his words and ask for it.  And if he shrieks unless he's actually in pain he gets a time out and has to go back and talk to whoever he shrieked at.  We're starting to see some results.

I'd say though, that 70% of our energy has gone to helping Elijah in his adjustment.  He has an unfortunate combination of being 2 and having a new brother.  The result is his feeling the need to test every boundary known to man and push every button that his brother has.  It didn't help that in the middle of it all he had a cold and a sore in his mouth that made it so he couldn't suck his pacifier at night.  Prior to David's arrival, we had never used time-out as a discipline method.  But Elijah was so constantly getting into trouble that our traditional methods were no longer appropriate for every instance.  So we created the time-out chair, and I don't even want to add up the number of days of his life that Elijah has spent in that chair over the last 2 weeks (all in 2 minute increments).  And of course, even with the chair, he has to test all of the boundaries of what he can get away with while being in the chair.  Can he sit sideways? Dangle his butt off the edge?  Stick his head through the hole in the back?  Stand up?  Stand on his head?  Slide his legs down so his toes dangle a mere centimeter from the floor but don't actually touch it?  Lay on his back?  His stomach?  You name it, that kid has tried it.  I eventually became so entertained by his creativity that I tried to take pictures of the different poses.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get some of my favorites because as soon as he sees that I'm looking at him he immediately goes back to sitting the way he knows he's supposed to.  But for your entertainment, here are a few of his many different time-out chair poses. :)

Look, I'm sitting so nicely and even smiling!

Ha!  Mom thought she had caught me standing up, but I sat down just in time!

It was really all David's fault and I have to be on my knees because my bottom is too sore from sitting

 Just trying to see how the world would look if I were Sidney in time-out

I can see my toes!

Christmas at the car wash

A couple weekends ago we went back to visit our friends at the car wash to have a Christmas party.  I'm pretty sure it was the first Christmas party any of the kids had ever had.  We had no idea how many kids to expect since the times we had gone in the past there were at most 3-4 kids that really interacted with us.  Well much to our delight, there were 11 or 12 kids crammed into one small room to celebrate with us!

We brought a small Christmas tree and some ornaments, and it was a great hit!  Everyone wanted to help decorate, and the tree kept toppling from all the enthusiasm.  We sang some Christmas songs in Chinese and talked about the tradition of giving gifts.  Then we let each kid choose one of the small gifts we had brought and they were so excited!  Afterwards we used some of our nativity figurines to tell them the story of Jesus' birth and had an impromptu English lesson including such very useful words as "angel", "camel", and "wise men".

It was so fun to have a small opportunity to bring joy to these families!  It was encouraging that so many came, and it made us feel like the community is beginning to realize that we really do care and are committed to helping as we can.  More English lessons are in the future!

Decorating the tree chaos

The boys liked to pick up Elijah :)  I promise the tree did look better in the end

Santa Jeff leading Christmas carols

Whenever not being hauled around, Elijah just sat there and stared at a comic book of his current obsession, a Chinese cartoon character called Happy Sheep

But he was hauled around a lot :)