6 months!

I know, can you even believe it's been 6 months since we brought David home??

It has been a tough but sweet 6 months.  I've said it a million times, but David is incredible.  He has jumped into our family with both feet and never looked back.  And I've so enjoyed the process of seeing his personality and heart slowly unfold before us.

When he first arrived, he said only a handful of words, and now he often talks in 2-4 word sentences.  About half English, half Chinese.  We speak to him more in English now than Chinese, and he has no problems at all understanding the vast majority of what we say.  It's been such a helpful growth process for him to learn to use words instead of tears and whining to communicate what he needs and wants!

We are learning that our little boy's chief desire in life is just simply to be with people he loves.  He doesn't care what he is doing, so long as he is doing it with you.  Jeff can literally ask David to anything, and as long as they are doing it together David is happy as a clam.  The down side to this is when you want to accomplish something that David can't help with, and then he is completely devastated.

David is also the most generous person I think I've ever met.  Seriously.  Almost without exception, no matter what he has, if someone asks him for it he will immediately hand it over with a huge smile.  And nothing makes him happier than to wander the house and look for things that he thinks someone will want and give it to them.  The other day he was sitting in my lap watching a video when Miriam asked if she could sit in my lap.  I said, "Not right now sweetie, I'm holding David.  Later on I can hold you."  David immediately got down, patted my empty lap and said, "Jiejie (big sister) sit!"  And he giggled in delight when she got in my lap instead.  Such a precious little heart to serve and bless others!

And can I say that with every week that goes by, David becomes more of a Daddy's boy.  I mean that kid L.O.V.E.S his Abba.  If he never had to leave Jeff's side, he would be happy the rest of his life.  David and I have a strong bond and he definitely loves me as well, but if he had to choose one parent it would be no contest at all.  Which makes me very happy for Jeff because the other two kids are definitely more Mama attached.  David actually starts to hyperventilate sometimes when he sees Jeff he is so excited.  It's the cutest thing in the world to watch him greet Jeff with every ounce of his little self consumed with joy.

Some of the ongoing challenges include trying to help him learn to use words when he starts to get agitated and upset about something.  He often reverts to just a steady whine and refuses to actually say what it is that he needs or is bothering him.  He is also incredibly stubborn when he thinks that something should happen a certain way and it doesn't.  If he thinks that right now is supposed to be the time to set the table and you tell him "no", he will burst into tears and refuse to be comforted until he's allowed to do what he wants.  Which often results in long bouts of crying because that strategy doesn't work in this family.  But we are learning that if we can help him understand that it's ok for something to be different than he thinks, he can accept it much more easily.  Just don't mess with that boy's expectations!

David and Elijah's relationship has probably been the hardest part of the adjustment of the last 6 months.  Mostly in that Elijah went from an outgoing, generally happy and goofy little boy to a sullen, stubborn and extremely temperamental little boy when David came home.  At first there was a lot of physical aggression from Elijah, who would often hit/push/pinch etc. David for no reason at all other than that he was in the house.  Then after the first couple of months that settled down, but Elijah continued to be easily frustrated, confrontational and withdrawn.

It was so hard on my heart to see my happy little boy seem to disappear!  There were times I cried myself to sleep in fear that my sweet Elijah was gone forever.  But honestly just in the last couple of weeks, it's like someone flipped the switch back to where it is supposed to be in Elijah's heart, and we've seen our happy and easygoing little boy come back!!  He doesn't answer EVERY question with "No!", nor does he instantly fall into a screaming fit if even the tiniest thing isn't exactly what he wants it to be.  I can say, "How about we do that later?", and he says, "Ok mama!"  You have no idea how life-giving that is to my heart!  And he and David are making good strides in playing together and actually starting to enjoy each other.  I think David's increased ability to communicate has helped a lot with that.  They still definitely push each other's buttons often, but they also laugh and play together without the need for constant supervision.  Hallelujah!

To be honest, I think God knew that I needed to see some real growth in Elijah's heart before we bring Isaac home.  I have much more peace about throwing our family into another round of chaotic adjustment after seeing that even if it is hard, everyone will eventually settle down and it WILL be ok.  If When there are struggles and somebody is falling apart, I know that the pieces will eventually get put back together.  And not just put back together, but made into something stronger and more beautiful than before.  A family richer, deeper and more full of the real kind of joy for having gone through the hard together.  Six months and the beauty and joy are only just beginning to shine through.  How amazing it will be to see it grow!

 Checking out the construction zone outside our neighborhood

 A favorite activity - catching tadpoles in the creek in front of our house

 Being silly while checking out how much we've grown!

 Look, I made a frog cookie!

 Playing in the back yard pool

Yep, still love dressing up with big sister!

The Day I Didn't Win the Mom-Of-The-Year Award

Yesterday was one of those days when I once again questioned God's wisdom in giving me children to care for.  I took Miriam in to see a doctor for a bad cough she had, and after the doctor did the standard check and prescribed some medicine, we were packing up to leave the room.  That's when the doctor said, "By the way, this is totally unrelated to why you came in, but have you noticed that Miriam has a tendency to cross one of her eyes?"

Say what?!  "Uh....no?", was my brilliant reply.

"Really?  Because I've seen her do it several times in just the short time she's been here.  Look!  She's doing it right now."

Sure enough, when I looked at her I could tell that her left eye was slightly crossed towards the center.  "Huh, yeah I guess it does", was my even more brilliant comeback.

He asked the nurse to do a vision test and then wrote out a referral for the opthamologist, saying that he was pretty sure there was something wrong with her vision.  And do you know what I discovered in the next hour between the nurses test and a visit to the opthamologist?

My poor little girl has really truly terrible vision in her left eye.  Like her right eye is normal at .1, but her left eye is only .01.  Maybe.  Not even sure it's that good.  She couldn't read the top letter on the eye chart with her left eye.

We went back out into the waiting room between a couple tests and I saw the pediatrician walk by.  I said, "You were right, she does have vision problems.  It looks like her left eye is pretty bad".  I was feeling somewhat bad as I admitted this to him, but then I quickly dove into feeling like really bad mom when his reply was, "Yes, and it's really important to catch this as young as possible because she could lose the ability to see out of that eye if it's not corrected in time.  Hopefully they can still do something."

Great.  So my lack of observational skills might have permanently damaged my girl's vision.  Well we are making a return trip later in the week to run some different tests and let them see behind her eye to make sure nothing is going wrong there.  Other than glasses, not sure what else is in store for her at that point.

Now I know, I know, several people have told me that it's not surprising I would miss her problem seeing as how I live with her every day and might not notice changes as much.  And I do know there is truth to that.  But still.  Not my finest day of motherhood.

Good thing we had a mama-daughter date that morning and we got to make raspberry chocolate chip cookies together.  That might salvage my standing.

Introducing...

Isaac Michael GuangMing Staege!!!!

Yes that's right, we have finally decided on a name for our sweet little boy!  Isaac means "laughter", and we are trusting God that this special son of ours will fill our home with laughter and joy.  One of our greatest desires is that we would be a family that lives a life of joy, and since God hand-picked Isaac to be in our family, we are sure that he is going to bring light and life to our home!

In addition to a name, we have also recently been in contact with some wonderful doctors in the U.S who have given us a clearer picture of some of Isaac's medical needs.  We have learned that the reason why he has no left eye and his face has irregularities is because he has what is called Tessier clefting.  That means that when his skull was first forming, it did not fully close together properly, leaving gaps or "clefts" in his face.  This interferred with the development of his eye and might have possibly affected other areas that we are currently unaware of.

The great news is that the doctors are optimistic that they will be able to do a significant amount to help re-shape the structure of his face.  It is also really encouraging that from all the reports we have received, he seems to be a bright, active boy who loves to talk, play with friends, and ride his bike.  This means that it is unlikely that his clefts have significantly damaged his brain, eye sight in his right eye, or hearing.  Our little man has a wonderful future ahead of him, and we are so excited to see all that God has planned!

Thanks for celebrating with us as we ready ourselves to welcome our newest family member home!  We just received our acceptance letter (LOA) from the Chinese government, and are hoping that the final stages of paperwork are done for us to travel and finalize the adoption before Isaac's 4th birthday on August 11th!

Here are some recent pictures of our already-handsome man!

Not the life I signed up for

When Jeff and I got married over 7 years ago, we both questioned seriously whether or not we would ever have children.  I liked children when they belonged to someone else and I didn't have to be responsible for them.  I liked the idea that there were moms out there who thought it a joy to spend their days at home watching Sesame Street and cutting the crust off of toast.  But I just couldn't imagine why you would ever choose to want to be a parent when it meant giving up all the freedom I had to spend my time doing all the things I loved doing like working with college students and leading teams.

Well God slowly changed my heart to embrace the idea of having children, but I always swore that I was never going to have so many kids that I couldn't still stay involved in the ministry that I love.  I would never become "that mom" who does nothing except talk about her kids because she doesn't get out of the house enough to have anything else to talk about (except possibly the short-comings of other people's kids).  No matter whether I had kids or not, I would never ever stoop that low.

And you know what, I did a pretty good job sticking to my guns.  Through first one child and then a second, Jeff and I worked out an elaborate juggling act that allowed for both of us to maintain an active role in our work while still caring for our kids.  And all the while I patted myself on the back and told myself, "See!  It is possible to make it work!  I can still have the life I want for myself even with kids!"

And then in what seemed to be the blink of an eye, my carefully ordered life suddenly exploded.  Instead of two kids, we had three and in a couple short months it will be four children.  Four children 21 months apart in age.  Add to that Jeff's increased responsibilities with his work, and before I even had a chance to consider whether I was ok with it or not, I found myself spending the vast majority of my time planning homeschool lessons, yelling, "Get DOWN from there!  You may NOT throw your brother off the table!", and talking energetically with anyone who would listen about how my two year old throws up when he smells his own poo and how clearly gifted my daughter must be to be able to out-eat any teenage boy I know.

Last week I finally admitted it to my husband.  I said, "I have become 'that mom'".  How did it happen??  After spending several minutes bemoaning my fate, I said, "How did this become my life??  This is not the life I signed up for!"

But then, you know what?  I started thinking over the next few days about that statement that this is not the life I signed up for, and I realized something shocking.  I realized that this is exactly the life I signed up for.  I signed up for a life of following God wherever He called me to go.  I signed up for a life lived for something bigger than myself.  And mostly I signed up for a life that doesn't make any sense at all apart from God.

And boy let me tell you, my life makes NO sense to me apart from God.  And even better, I think my life makes no sense to those around me either.  I am daily asked by bewildered Chinese why in the world we would adopt a child when we already have two.  They often shake their heads and say something like, "you must just be especially good/great/loving/etc.", and I get to smile and say, "No, God is especially good, great and loving".  I realized the other day that just about all of my answers to any major questions about my life can't be explained without reference to God.  Where we live, what we do, who is in our family, what we see as our future - all of those questions I just have no answers except the ones that start with, "Well, because God..."

And I feel the grace poured out so lavishly when I ponder that.  Who am I and who is my family that we would be given stewardship of so much that is holy?  Oh how I need grace to not squander my blessings by wishing for others!  Because this life I'm living, this crazy, messy, dirt-and-smushed-carrot life, is exactly what I signed up for.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

More Quotable Quotes

Can I just say that I love my kids?  One of the many reasons is that they say the most awesome and random things.  Miriam of course is the queen of random quotes, but Elijah and even David are starting to join in the club.  Here are a few of my recent favorites

All the kids are upstairs in their beds when I hear David start screaming.  I open the door to their room and this is what I hear.
David: Didi da wo! (brother hit me)
Me: Elijah, did you hit your brother?
Elijah: Nope
Me: Elijah, remember that you need to tell the truth.  Did you go over to David's bed?
Elijah:  Uh....probably?

Miriam after getting angry at something she couldn't have:  I don't feel like beauty at all right now, I only feel like the beast!

Me:  Look at all the dog hair on the couch.  We'll have to get Abba to clean it up.
Miriam:  Abba, there is a huge quantity of dog hair on this couch!

Elijah, pointing to his orange shirt:  Mama, look at me!  I so pretty!
Me:  You are such a handsome little man
Elijah: No handsome, I pretty

Me: David, what is this picture?
David: Eh Ba Ben!!! (aka elephant)
Me:  Good job!!!  What sound does an elephant make?
David:  AAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

And one of my favorite recent quotes from Miriam's good friend Bree
Bree:  Look, I think I see a raccoon!!!
Me, peering at the banks of the small river next to our house:  Where do you think the racoon is?
Bree:  Oh never mind, it's just a dead fish (in fact a very small goldfish lying on a rock)

Almost 4 months

I can't decide whether it seems like David just got here yesterday or we've had him forever.  I think mostly the we've had him for forever.  He just is a part of our family now, not only the "new adopted kid".  He's got a place and we have the beginnings of a new family groove that he fits right into.  I've loved the wonderful start I've had to getting to know the heart and personality of my sweet little boy.  Here are some of the joys (and not-so-much-joys) that I'm learning:

When David smiles, he smiles with his whole face.  Every part of it lights up.

He has a husky sort of laugh that is absolutely contagious.

He is very quick to smile.  Partly because he is just generally happy, but it is also his way of trying to charm you into giving in to his desires when he doesn't want to obey.  He is incredibly cute and he tries to use that to his advantage!

I've never met a little boy who loves hugs and snuggles more than he does.

I've also never met a boy who falls apart into a tantrum faster than he does.  As soon as he realizes he won't get what he wants, he immediately throws himself backward onto the ground and begins to wail.  The poor kid often hits his head with a big thump.  Fortunately, these tantrums are occurring less frequently and last a shorter period of time.

When he first came to us, he was incredibly concerned about being neat and clean, especially while eating.  I guess 4 months of his brother's influence was enough to convince him that there is nothing wrong with making messes - especially if there is a dog to clean up after you!

He loves loves loves loves loves to help with any kind of a job.  He convulses with joy if you ask him to help set the table.  He runs right over when you mention putting away toys.  Heaven help you if you forget to let him flush the toilet.  He is an amazing little helper.  Well, sometimes his help is actually helpful.

Some of his favorite and newly acquired English words are "ALL DONE!!!", "yes mama!", "money", "beep beep", "no", "please", "amen!"

When he first came home, he didn't have a lot of physical stamina or strength.  Now, though, he is much more active and able to keep up more running around with his siblings.  He can also jump off of the couch without face-planting.

He loves to be tickled and generally cuddled with, but he has a curious habit of reaching up and pinching or scratching at your face whenever he starts to laugh.  I'm pretty sure he isn't trying to hurt you since he is laughing and having a great time, but no matter how many times we say no and correct his behavior, he always does it.  So now I tickle him at arms length. :)

He has an extroverted personality and enjoys being the center of attention.  He is sometimes initially shy and can get overwhelmed in new situations, but he usually settles down quickly to trying to get everyone to notice and interact with him.  If nothing else, he will yell your name over and over again to get your attention.  Doesn't want anything except for you to look at him.

He gets along really well with Miriam.  She enjoys helping him and trying to take care of him.  He loves to be around her and they are good buds unless they both happen to want the same toy.  Then they are both shrieking banshees.

He has a love/hate relationship with Elijah.  He copies his little brother all the time and likes to be where he is.  But he also knows how to push Elijah's buttons and often instigates fights by trying to take things from Elijah or just get into Elijah's space in a way he knows will provoke him.  Then when Elijah retaliates the only way my totally-physical son knows how (i.e pushing/hitting/occasionally biting), David starts screaming bloody murder and runs up to me and tells me just exactly what his brother did.  David is starting his professional soccer career early because that boy can take a fake fall like no one else I know.  I've seen Elijah merely swat at him without actually making contact, and David immediately falls to the ground and starts screaming that Elijah hit him.  Of course, much of the time Elijah has actually hit him.  So it makes it hard to sort out because I often don't see what happened, I just hear the fall-out.

If I had to take one picture that captures the meaning of the word "joy", it would be a picture of David's face at the exact moment he realizes that his Abba has come home from work.  He squeals, runs and throws himself at Jeff.  Not a bad greeting when you come in the door!

There are so many other things to write, but this is a good start for me to get down in writing some of these early experiences of David.  I don't even have words for how blessed we've felt by how well David has done in adjusting to our family.  Everyone who meets him can hardly believe he's been home such a short time because he is such a happy, loving little boy who absolutely delights in being with his family.  And we absolutely delight in him!

Pictures of Guang Ming!

While we are still waiting for the Chinese government to actually log in all of our documents into their system, we were blessed with an update on Guang Ming!  As updates go, it wasn't the most informative one ever, but it came with two new pictures of my sweet son!  They did say that he is healthy and doing well, and that he is still with his foster family.  We don't know if there is now another child in the home since David is with us or if it is only him.  They also called him a little bit naughty, so he ought to fit in just fine with his brothers.

Here are the new pictures of our boy!